I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
