did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
