That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
