She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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