my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
how drunk are you?
Several
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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