I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
