Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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