I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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