I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
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