I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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