she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
