oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
