There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
