Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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