dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
