Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
