If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
