we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
