JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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