Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
