Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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