My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
And then my night got REAL pukey
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
