Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
