Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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