How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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