Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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