i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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