I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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