Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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