this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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