i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
