apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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