It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I need water and some morals
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
