Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Randomize
