I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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