and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
