Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
