girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
