Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You dont lie about slip and slides
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
