remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize