her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
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Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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