So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
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I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
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Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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