Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
