This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
