I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I will pee on everything he values.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
