Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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