you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
