Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just googled if crying burns calories
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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