i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
