she looked like the before picture.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
