he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
