the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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