I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
