There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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