Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
