so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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