I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
