Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
