idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
