Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
