She's JV to your varsity
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Is Oprah even human
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
