i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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