just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
