i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
