sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Fuck me I smell like cheese
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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