they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
