having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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